One thing I like the most about writing is the transparency I am able to give to my readers. Lately I’ve been dealing with trying not to let certain people get the best of me. But what do you do when people are spreading lies about you? What do you do when people go out of their way to try to make you feel inferior? Simple, ignore their unstable behavior — don’t allow them to make you feel any kind of way. Be in complete control of your emotions. The moment you start feeling angry, sad, intimidated, is because you are allowing them to make you feel that way.
Often times people ask me how come most of the time I’m so happy, energetic and optimistic, and my response usually would be, “I try not to let anything and/or anyone control my emotions.” I refuse to give anyone the power to make me feel any kind of way! However, that doesn’t mean that I sometimes don’t get angry, sad, scared, embarrassed or intimidated. ’cause believe me I do. I just don’t let myself linger on the emotions for too long.
Now next time someone wants to make you feel inferior by pissing you off or intimidating you, ask yourself if its worth your energy. Then brush off the feeling and take control!!
D. Arelis XO
So I was asked by a colleague to write about my morning routine. So here it is.
My mornings start around 6am. I wake up and first thing I do is put on worship music. Worship gets me going. It brings my life into balance and gives me energy to face the day. Lately I’ve been trying to get up earlier in order to squeeze a 30min yoga session into my routine but I fail each time my alarm goes off at 5:30am. Yea, I’m not so much of a morning person.
Afterwards, I take a shower and start getting ready for work. When I’m done prepping, I go down stairs to the kitchen, drink a cup of hot water with a prune or two (to get my digestion moving), while I’m making myself a green smoothie with spinach and whatever else I have in the kitchen at that moment.
Then last but not least, I take my dose of vitamins for the day which are, Omega 3, iron supplements, vitamin C, B12 and Forever Living Nature-Min and off I go.
D. Arelis XO
“If not now then when? If not me then who?” – Malcom X
Is time speeding up or is it just me? Who else thinks that 2017 flew by extremely fast? I am still a bit astonished of how fast it went. As last year was coming to an end, I looked back at how it went and to be really honest it wasn’t that productive. Procrastination and fear played a big part of 2017. Fear of stepping out of my comfort zone; fear of failing; fear of the critics of family and friends; and fear of not being good enough. You see, fear paralyzes you if you allow it to. It makes you unable to move and act. It robs your peace of mind by telling you you’re not good enough.
You have to reach that point where you look fear straight in the eye and kick it right in the gut. As believers we know that: “Greater is He that is in us than he that is in the world” (1 John 4:4). Take control of your thoughts — you have the power to do so; step out of your comfort zone. Believe that you can conquer every fear and shut out every doubt.
There are many women that have done this at some point in their lives. Three of which I admire greatly after reading their story. Each of the following women chose to rise above fear and doubt: 1. Queen Esther of Persia. Esther rose above the fear of failing. By doing this she became the one who saved Israel from an ethnic cleansing in 473 B.C. 2. Rosa Parks – “first lady of civil rights”. Mrs. Parks rose above the fear of what others might think of her. She became the first woman and third non-US government official to lie in honor in the Capitol Rotunda. 3. Oprah Winfrey — one of the most influential women in the world. I admire Oprah, she rose above many fears and became the richest African-American; North America’s first multi-billionaire black person; and first [black] woman to own her own talk show, which is the highest rated television show of its kind in history.
Now the question is how do we get there? How can we rise above fear? The answer is very simple, by putting an end to all the lies in our head. By telling ourselves that we are more than capable of anything.
Ladies, the time is now. “If not now then when? If not you then who?” The world needs you; the world needs us. There are things that God has called you to do that need to be done now. Be that courageous, ambitious and encouraging woman, daughter, mother, grandmother, sister, wife and friend that this world needs you to be. Tomorrow is too late. Yesterday is over, the time is now!
D. Arelis XO
I just can’t say this enough, I love the story of queen Esther. Esther was chosen by God to save the Israelites from an ethnic cleansing in 437 B.C. She was a brave woman. There was nothing that was going to stop her from standing against the edict of the king — not even the possibility of her losing her life. She entered in with that attitude of “…and if I perish, I perish” — completely confident and trusting that God was going before her.
As women in today’s society, it can be intimidating to step into the world and do what God created us to do. Being a woman is not the easiest. The thought of knowing that there are others that are more experienced than we are or perhaps can do things better than us can be frightening and needs to change. You see, Esther did not come from a royal family nor was she “equipped” to have the title of a queen. But when God has chosen you for a specific task, no living being on the face of this earth can stand against that. I can’t imagine how intimidating that role would have been for her. However, one thing I do know for sure is that she quickly understood that when God has a purpose for your life, He will give you all that you need in order to fulfill that purpose.
Therefore, just as God was with Esther every step of the way, so will He also be with you and fully equip you to do what He has appointing you to do. Be strong and courageous; you were made for such a time as this!
D. Arelis XO
Today I had dinner with a good friend of mine and one of the topics of the night was the goodness of God. I told her that something I learned this past year is that God is good no matter what situation I find myself in. She then replied: “I sometimes have a hard time saying that He is.” After she said this I paused for a second, not quite knowing what to say, I replied: “I know exactly what you mean.” Believe it or not, I did. I was in that exact state of mind a few months ago. End of January 2017 I found myself in a season where I wrestled with God. I had so many questions — unanswered questions. I was angry that God wasn’t answering my prayer, He wasn’t giving me what I was asking for. Then days, weeks, and months went by, not being able to see and understand what God was doing I finally began to see the reason behind my unanswered prayer. Today, I look back at the state I was in and can honestly say that I am beyond thankful for those un-granted requests.
You see, He knows the future, He knows us better than we know ourselves because he created us, He hand-made us Himself and He knows what and who is best for us. Therefore from within my inmost being I say that He is a good God no matter the circumstance.
This life will bring us pain and sorrow, it’s inevitable. However, God will always work all things together for our good if we allow Him to do so. He will never leave us nor forsake us.
We may never truly understand why God allows certain things to happen. But one thing we can be sure of is that God will always be there to strengthen us, to comfort us, and to give us His peace — a peace that surpasses all human understanding. He’s a good God. Always was and always will be.
D. Arelis XO
Proverbs 14:1 tells us “a wise woman builds her home, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” What does this mean?
It means that she forms and shapes with love. She speaks strength to her husband, to her children, to her friends, family and to everyone she comes in contact with. She serves with a humble heart. She is eager to see the ones around her succeed.
However, the foolish woman is the complete opposite. She tears down with her constant negativity and disbelieve. She is not helpful; always wants to be served and is envious of the success of others.
Let’s strive to always be wise women — a woman who builds!
D. Arelis XO
For some reason our mental health is the last thing we pay attention to. We spent so much time trying to perfect our outward appearance meanwhile deep down inside we are broken, confused and have no self-worth — we forget that our inner self (mental health) needs to be taken care of as well. Now I know that there is something about “mental-health” that immediately makes you think of a mental disorder. This is not what I am referring to. With mental health I mean your emotional and psychological state.
For example, some major life event or a relationship conflict (with a spouse, a family member or a friend) can lead to a state of stress, depression, anxiety or anger — a state of not thinking clearly. This is unhealthy and will affect your physical health at some point if you don’t do anything about it.
All this being said, there are a few essential points to keep in mind when taking care of your mental health:
- Let go of situations you have no control over.
- View yourself as capable of achieving great things. Step into your power regardless the odds. Perceiving yourself in a positive light will attract positivity your way. Think about the law of attraction.
- Surround yourself with people that will encourage you, motivate you, and support your goals and dreams. Walk away from people that take away your peace of mind; that make you question your self-worth; and that drain all the positive energy out of you. There are some battles that are just best dealt with by walking away.
To conclude, “Health is not just about what you’re eating. It’s also about what you’re thinking and saying.” Therefore make it a habit to always reframe your negative thoughts regardless of how you’re feeling.
D. Arelis XO
Often times we ask ourselves questions such as, “Why are most men unfaithful? Why do I attract the wrong type of men? Why do I fall for the “bad boys”; the immature, emotionally unstable type?” When the real question we should be asking ourselves is, “why do I keep ignoring the redflags?”
You see, the problem is not that you attract the wrong type of men. The problem is that you choose to ignore the warning signs; you choose to accept the unacceptable behavior; you choose not to leave. So the problem is you, babe. You are choosing not to give yourself any worth by accepting less than you know you deserve. This is why you constantly end up dating lowlifes, the unfaithful, the “bad boys”, the immature, emotionally unstable type.
But yet the question is, why do we end up ignoring the redflags? I believe it’s because of fear. Fear that we will end up alone. Fear that we won’t meet someone better. Therefore, we settle for crumbs; we start telling ourselves crap like “giving up is not an option” or “love endures all things” or “I will love him through the good and the bad”. Listen sweet child, when a man chooses not to respect your beliefs, does not give you the value you deserve, and is being abusive in any kind of way, physically or verbally, then you need to quit the “I love him; ride or die” nonesense. Start loving yourself first. Give yourself some worth. You deserve the world and more. Don’t let anyone make you feel like what you’re longing for is too much to ask for.
Bottom line, stop wasting precious time dating the wrong men. If you have to stay single for awhile, then so be it. Start investing in yourself – your body, mind, and soul, and eventually you’ll see how everything else will fall perfectly into place.
D. Arelis XO
It’s easy to play the victim! We’ve all been there at some point in our lives. You see, being the victim teaches us absolutely nothing. It only puts us in a cycle of self-pity, depression and viewing ourselves as worthless.
Now, instead of playing the victim – no matter how unfair the situation or how wrong people have been towards you – you NEED to make the decision to learn from it and you NEED to use it to better yourself as a human being in order to regain joy, peace, and a sound mind.
I’m not saying you should ignore the hurt and brokenness you’re feeling. Because you should by no means do that, it’s not healthy. Crying it all out is part of your healing. However, staying in that mourning cycle is not. There comes a point where you need to pick yourself up and tell your soul to be strong. Then, you need to 1. SHAKE IT ALL OFF, you need to 2. quit focusing on what the other person did to you and you need to 3. start focusing on how you are going to avoid certain things from happening again.
There’s something my boxing trainer said to me a few months ago that stuck with me: “No matter how tired you are, never let it show. The moment they see you’re tired, you’re screwed!” In other words, keep on punching; keep on fighting.
There is always something you can learn and parts of you that can be improved – ALWAYS. So let what you’ve been through rise up a fight in your inner being to become better, rather than a version of you that becomes bitter!
And may one day you look back and say: “I love the person I’ve become, because I FOUGHT to become her.”
D. Arelis XO
4 short points that might help you deal with toxic people:
1. Be the bigger person. Don’t waste your time and energy arguing or proving your point to someone that refuses to see the issue and/or won’t admit they need change.
2. Set boundaries. Helping people goes up to a certain point. You see, what you allow will continue. It’s good to help but if the person you’re trying to help is creating a bigger problem out of their situation rather adding to the solution, then you need to draw a line – distance yourself. You can’t help someone that won’t help themselves. There comes a point where you need to set your limit.
3. Take a distance. Taking a step back is ok. You are not doing anything wrong. Avoid being in an unhealthy relationship or friendship. Try to always surround yourself with positive energy; with people that are going somewhere and that are open to improve themselves. Toxic people always play the victim; they tend to drag negativity wherever they go. They transmit stress to the people around them. You don’t need that!
4. Let it go. Do not feel bad. Helping people wont always turn out the way you imagined it would. You can’t change someone that refuses to change. So shake it off and move on, bebe!!!
D. Arelis XO