Today I had dinner with a good friend of mine and one of the topics of the night was the goodness of God. I told her that something I learned this past year is that God is good no matter what situation I find myself in. She then replied: “I sometimes have a hard time saying that He is.” After she said this I paused for a second, not quite knowing what to say, I replied: “I know exactly what you mean.” Believe it or not, I did. I was in that exact state of mind a few months ago. End of January 2017 I found myself in a season where I wrestled with God. I had so many questions — unanswered questions. I was angry that God wasn’t answering my prayer, He wasn’t giving me what I was asking for. Then days, weeks, and months went by, not being able to see and understand what God was doing I finally began to see the reason behind my unanswered prayer. Today, I look back at the state I was in and can honestly say that I am beyond thankful for those un-granted requests.
You see, He knows the future, He knows us better than we know ourselves because he created us, He hand-made us Himself and He knows what and who is best for us. Therefore from within my inmost being I say that He is a good God no matter the circumstance.
This life will bring us pain and sorrow, it’s inevitable. However, God will always work all things together for our good if we allow Him to do so. He will never leave us nor forsake us.
We may never truly understand why God allows certain things to happen. But one thing we can be sure of is that God will always be there to strengthen us, to comfort us, and to give us His peace — a peace that surpasses all human understanding. He’s a good God. Always was and always will be.
D. Arelis XO
Proverbs 14:1 tells us “a wise woman builds her home, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” What does this mean?
It means that she forms and shapes with love. She speaks strength to her husband, to her children, to her friends, family and to everyone she comes in contact with. She serves with a humble heart. She is eager to see the ones around her succeed.
However, the foolish woman is the complete opposite. She tears down with her constant negativity and disbelieve. She is not helpful; always wants to be served and is envious of the success of others.
Let’s strive to always be wise women — a woman who builds!
D. Arelis XO
For some reason our mental health is the last thing we pay attention to. We spent so much time trying to perfect our outward appearance meanwhile deep down inside we are broken, confused and have no self-worth — we forget that our inner self (mental health) needs to be taken care of as well. Now I know that there is something about “mental-health” that immediately makes you think of a mental disorder. This is not what I am referring to. With mental health I mean your emotional and psychological state.
For example, some major life event or a relationship conflict (with a spouse, a family member or a friend) can lead to a state of stress, depression, anxiety or anger — a state of not thinking clearly. This is unhealthy and will affect your physical health at some point if you don’t do anything about it.
All this being said, there are a few essential points to keep in mind when taking care of your mental health:
- Let go of situations you have no control over.
- View yourself as capable of achieving great things. Step into your power regardless the odds. Perceiving yourself in a positive light will attract positivity your way. Think about the law of attraction.
- Surround yourself with people that will encourage you, motivate you, and support your goals and dreams. Walk away from people that take away your peace of mind; that make you question your self-worth; and that drain all the positive energy out of you. There are some battles that are just best dealt with by walking away.
To conclude, “Health is not just about what you’re eating. It’s also about what you’re thinking and saying.” Therefore make it a habit to always reframe your negative thoughts regardless of how you’re feeling.
D. Arelis XO
Often times we ask ourselves questions such as, “Why are most men unfaithful? Why do I attract the wrong type of men? Why do I fall for the “bad boys”; the immature, emotionally unstable type?” When the real question we should be asking ourselves is, “why do I keep ignoring the redflags?”
You see, the problem is not that you attract the wrong type of men. The problem is that you choose to ignore the warning signs; you choose to accept the unacceptable behavior; you choose not to leave. So the problem is you, babe. You are choosing not to give yourself any worth by accepting less than you know you deserve. This is why you constantly end up dating lowlifes, the unfaithful, the “bad boys”, the immature, emotionally unstable type.
But yet the question is, why do we end up ignoring the redflags? I believe it’s because of fear. Fear that we will end up alone. Fear that we won’t meet someone better. Therefore, we settle for crumbs; we start telling ourselves crap like “giving up is not an option” or “love endures all things” or “I will love him through the good and the bad”. Listen sweet child, when a man chooses not to respect your beliefs, does not give you the value you deserve, and is being abusive in any kind of way, physically or verbally, then you need to quit the “I love him; ride or die” nonesense. Start loving yourself first. Give yourself some worth. You deserve the world and more. Don’t let anyone make you feel like what you’re longing for is too much to ask for.
Bottom line, stop wasting precious time dating the wrong men. If you have to stay single for awhile, then so be it. Start investing in yourself – your body, mind, and soul, and eventually you’ll see how everything else will fall perfectly into place.
D. Arelis XO
It’s easy to play the victim! We’ve all been there at some point in our lives. You see, being the victim teaches us absolutely nothing. It only puts us in a cycle of self-pity, depression and viewing ourselves as worthless.
Now, instead of playing the victim – no matter how unfair the situation or how wrong people have been towards you – you NEED to make the decision to learn from it and you NEED to use it to better yourself as a human being in order to regain joy, peace, and a sound mind.
I’m not saying you should ignore the hurt and brokenness you’re feeling. Because you should by no means do that, it’s not healthy. Crying it all out is part of your healing. However, staying in that mourning cycle is not. There comes a point where you need to pick yourself up and tell your soul to be strong. Then, you need to 1. SHAKE IT ALL OFF, you need to 2. quit focusing on what the other person did to you and you need to 3. start focusing on how you are going to avoid certain things from happening again.
There’s something my boxing trainer said to me a few months ago that stuck with me: “No matter how tired you are, never let it show. The moment they see you’re tired, you’re screwed!” In other words, keep on punching; keep on fighting.
There is always something you can learn and parts of you that can be improved – ALWAYS. So let what you’ve been through rise up a fight in your inner being to become better, rather than a version of you that becomes bitter!
And may one day you look back and say: “I love the person I’ve become, because I FOUGHT to become her.”
D. Arelis XO
4 short points that might help you deal with toxic people:
1. Be the bigger person. Don’t waste your time and energy arguing or proving your point to someone that refuses to see the issue and/or won’t admit they need change.
2. Set boundaries. Helping people goes up to a certain point. You see, what you allow will continue. It’s good to help but if the person you’re trying to help is creating a bigger problem out of their situation rather adding to the solution, then you need to draw a line – distance yourself. You can’t help someone that won’t help themselves. There comes a point where you need to set your limit.
3. Take a distance. Taking a step back is ok. You are not doing anything wrong. Avoid being in an unhealthy relationship or friendship. Try to always surround yourself with positive energy; with people that are going somewhere and that are open to improve themselves. Toxic people always play the victim; they tend to drag negativity wherever they go. They transmit stress to the people around them. You don’t need that!
4. Let it go. Do not feel bad. Helping people wont always turn out the way you imagined it would. You can’t change someone that refuses to change. So shake it off and move on, bebe!!!
D. Arelis XO
The way you allow people to treat you says a lot about your character. Having boundaries means having the strength to say ‘no’ – having the courage to step away from anything that is not healthy for you, physically or mentally. Once you lay your cards on the table and stand for what you believe in, people will either respect you and stay, or just walk away.
Two important points that could help when setting up boundaries:
- Do not compromise your belief just because you’re afraid of being rejected.
- Do not lower your standards for anyone.
Now you may ask yourself, “what are my limits?” What’s a deal breaker for me?” “Where do I draw the line?” Write them down. Perhaps you think you have standards but in reality you do not. Therefore it is good to write them down so they can be visual to you.
You see, not having standards might be the reason why you always end up heartbroken and hurting. How you let people treat you is a reflection of how you view yourself. So start setting some boundaries. If you know that you deserve the best and that you’re worth it all, then lowering your standards should not even be an option!